Baby Einstein

Scarlet woke up one morning with some crazy hair after a particularly restless night.  She happened to stick out her tongue just as I was snapping a picture.  Reminded me of this famous photo of Albert Einstein.  She is literally Baby Einstein.  (For any of you who don't know there is a line of baby products called Baby Einstein.) Hopefully it is an omen for her future genius.

Superhero Scarlet

We always new we had a warrior within me when I was pregnant.  We called her Xena, Princess Warrior.  Since her birth she has learned quickly who she really is.  She's got the Superhero poses down but we haven't come up with a good Superhero name to go with Scarlet.  Any suggestions?

Flexing her biceps

To infinity...and beyond!

Pensive, but ready to act.

First Bath

Scarlet's first bath was definitely an adventure.  I had planned on taking more pictures but things didn't exactly go according to plan.  We were using our Puj Tub (awesome sink tub for a newborn) for the first time and just had a minimal amount of water in the bottom, which she promptly pooped in.  We did the best we could to quickly sponge down the rest of her and then wash her bottom to get her out as soon as possible.  I laid her down on a brand new towel and found out that apparently her bowels were not yet done...

Not only did it get all over the brand new towel (lesson learned) it also squirted onto me.  FUN.

So we had to get that cleaned up and a diaper on as quick as possible and then we wrapped her in another towel and washed her hair.  After she was all clean then we bundled her up in this adorable robe.

The whole ordeal was quite exhausting for her.  She promptly zonked out on the floor before I could even get her clothes on.

Scarlet May Johnson - Her Story

Disclaimer: If you want to see more pictures and skip the story you have to scroll down a ways...

Scarlet May Johnson

Our little bundle of joy is finally here and we are so excited to start sharing pictures.  So here it is, her story, all the glorious details of the labor and delivery of our sweet little girl, Scarlet May Johnson.  I was due on Friday, the 23rd but I had already assumed that I was going to go past the due date, maybe even the two weeks they would allow me to go before being induced.  They said after one week they would induce if I wanted it but I really wanted to go into labor naturally so they said I could have up to two weeks.  Anyway, I was praying to be able to go into labor naturally so I was delighted when I woke up on Monday morning at about 6:15am with a tightening of my belly coupled with mild cramping.  Of course never having experienced labor before I wasn't totally sure if that was the start of the real thing but I was hopeful.  The contractions at that point were about 10-20 minutes apart.  Around 11:30am my mom and I started on a vigorous walk.  Just after 12:00pm I started noticing leakage of fluid.  I wasn't entirely certain if it was a tear in the amniotic sac or if I had just peed my pants a little, which was totally possible.  It happened a couple of more times though, even right after I had gone to the bathroom (thank goodness for a Rite Aid on the route we were taking!), so I was fairly certain it was amniotic fluid, not just urine.

When we got back from the walk I checked with my provider and was advised to go to the hospital to have the fluids checked.  The contractions at this point were about 7 minutes apart with still just mild cramping.  I decided to shower and get all ready to go and stay at the hospital just in case they did want to admit me.  Ken came home from work and then he, my mom, and I went to the hospital just after 3:00pm.  Being in triage felt like forever.  They monitored the contractions for a long time and then tested the fluid.  They said it would take about 10 minutes to get the results of the fluid but it ended up taking only about 30 seconds.  It was the amniotic fluid so I was granted a room at the inn.

Getting sent home from the hospital because I wasn't really in labor was one of my biggest worries simply because I thought it would be so frustrating.  I was grateful that they allowed me to stay even though once I was in my room and they checked my cervix the nurse said that she stretched me to 3cm.  I thought it was going to be a loooong labor since that was all that I had dilated to but in the end I progressed fairly quickly.  By 9:00pm I had dilated to 6cm.  Sometime around 11:00pm I was already at 9cm.  For anyone who doesn't know, the cervical change from 7cm to 10cm is called "transition" and it is typically the most difficult part of labor because the contractions are at their longest and strongest and they come close together, sometimes with no break at all.  I would never have made it through those few hours without the help of Ken and my mom.  Since we were doing a natural child birth I felt everything and Ken had to help me regulate my breathing through the contractions and my mom had to verbally tell me to stay focused and that I could do it.  At times she even had to use a sharp tone with me but it was exactly what I needed.  I only really panicked  a couple of times, once was when the on call OB came in at 11:00pm and checked my cervix and found that I was at 9cm.  Then as she left the room and I was beginning another intense contraction she said, "See you in a couple of hours."  I asked, "Did she just say 'a couple of hours'?!"  I wanted to be done right then, not in a couple of hours.  I just about freaked out.  Ken said he wanted to go punch the doctor for saying that.  Fortunately, with the help of my excellent support team (Ken and mom) I was able to regain focus for the subsequent contractions.

And the doctor was right, it was a couple of more hours, but it didn't feel like it, the time really flew by quickly for me.  Just after 12:00am the rest of the amniotic sac finally burst like a water balloon and the baby was able to really descend into the birth canal.  By 12:30am I finally had the "uncontrollable urge to push" that the delivery nurse said we were waiting for.  The contractions during the pushing phase are pretty intense but it is amazing how satisfying of a feeling it is to push so it is not as bad as the transition phase.  Plus there is the excitement of knowing that truly it is almost over.

The OB came back at about 1:15am and I had me push a few times then she told me that I really was very tight and though she didn't regularly recommend episiotomies, in my case she did strongly recommend it, otherwise she said it would probably take a long time still and be very painful.  I had specifically stated in my birth plan that I did not want an episiotomy if at all possible but I knew I had to be flexible.  However, while I was still considering the option I had another contraction and the urge to push.  With the second or third pushing effort of that contraction I heard my mom say, "Open your eyes!  Open your eyes!"  My little baby girl was already being pulled out.  The OB said, "Well, you proved me wrong."  There was of course some tearing but that didn't matter, I was done and my little girl was safely on my chest.  She was born at 1:25am on Tuesday, November 27th.

One of the things that I really appreciated about the hospital where I delivered was that the baby was placed immediately on my chest and all of the initial testing was done with her still right there on my chest.  They only took her briefly off my chest awhile later when I finally gave consent.  At that point I was curious about her weight so I let them take her to give her a bath and weigh her.  She weighed in at 7lbs 4oz, just the right size.  She is 19.25 inches long.  They had a bassinet for her in the room with me so she never once left the room until she was carried out by daddy in the car seat to go home.

She had swallowed a lot of fluid and blood on her way out so we had to witness her puking up a lot of gunk over the next few hours, which was a little scary at first and so sad to see, but she was a little champ and got it all out.  Since she was working on getting that all out for several hours she wasn't very interested in eating during that time.  Because she didn't eat much her risk for jaundice went up.  We stayed at the hospital a few more hours than we otherwise would have had to just to make sure she was ok but her blood test came back fine for the jaundice so we were finally discharged at about 5:00pm on Wednesday.

I hadn't slept very much at all while we were at the hospital.  If you want an adrenaline rush, try having a baby!  It was so crazy how wide awake I felt almost the entire time we were at the hospital.  And, quite frankly, I still have some of that adrenaline, or perhaps now it is just anxiety, that doesn't let me nap a whole lot during the day but I haven't felt extremely tired either.  I am sure it will probably all catch up to me eventually.  Thank goodness for my mom being here to help out too.  That has made a huge difference in the wee hours of the night.

As for the name, it was funny how many times we were asked what her name was and we had to simply say that is a good question!  Throughout the pregnancy her code name had always been Xena, Princess Warrior, since we didn't have any other name picked out.  We finally had two names to choose from when we went to the hospital, Scarlet and Ivy.  Although we were leaning towards Scarlet we decided we would just wait to see what she looked like.  Her black hair totally through us for a loop.  We had not been expecting that at all.  (I do promise this is Ken's child.  The only thing we can figure is that the 1/4 Italian in both of us is dominate in her.  She has blonde eyebrows though so I have to assume the hair will eventually change.)  Anyway, when we started debating the name at the hospital we were leaning towards Ivy but after we called her that for maybe an hour or so it just didn't really seem right.  Then we tried Scarlet and it was the perfect fit.  There is no reason or story behind the name Scarlet (I haven't even seen Gone With the Wind) but I just liked the name and mentioned it to Ken one day and he liked it too.  And it is at least biblical. (See Isaiah 1:18)  As for the middle name, it was also really just one that I liked but it was Ken's maternal grandmother's middle name as well so she has some family heritage there.  We are so happy and so proud to be the parents of Scarlet May Johnson.  She truly is a precious angel.

Now for the pictures...

On mama's chest just after birth

Sleepy little girl

I am very possessive.  I had to take pictures with my name on her wrist band so everyone knows that she is for sure mine.

Love her eyes!

The doting father.

Her first car seat ride.  I am so excited about the car seat cover I got on etsy and the blanket that a friend made.

With Grandma Morgan at the hospital.

With Grandpa Johnson at the house.

Already sporting the vintage look.  My oldest brother Keith wore this as a baby.  It is the nursery rhyme "There Was an Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe."

Look at that head of hair!  I was so shocked to have a dark headed baby with so much hair.

Proud Daddy.  Thanks Kay Bragg for the tie!

Everyone tells us how beautiful she is, because of course she is, but the best compliment thus far was from our Bishop.  He is a doctor so he stopped by while we were still at the hospital.  Later he sent Ken a text that said, "I don't know how to tactfully say this but, you might want to consider having a paternity test done since I don't know how you got such a beautiful baby!"

 

Thanksgiving... early

No this post isn't about eating a yummy turkey dinner early.  I am looking forward to that though!  I think the baby has dropped enough that even if I am still pregnant I will still be able to eat a healthy portion of Thanksgiving dinner.  Two weeks ago I was barely nibbling on food for each meal because it was so uncomfortable to eat a lot.  Anyway... this post is about something that I am thankful for. 

I am THANKFUL for generous people.  I think I had mentioned previously that we have been given a lot of stuff.  Even though a few posts ago I was whining about how expensive babies are we've really had it pretty easy.  My sisters had a collection of maternity clothes going that were passed to me and a few other friends have donated maternity clothes so that I've hardly had to buy anything in that department.  Just yesterday someone stopped me and asked where to buy maternity clothes for a petite person.  She was disappointed when I had to tell her honestly that most of my clothes were hand-me-downs.  I am THANKFUL for the maternity clothes I was given.

I have been given TONS of baby clothes, both hand-me-downs and things from my baby shower.  The only clothing I've bought were just things that I saw and said, "That is soooo cute!" and I had to get it, not that I really needed to buy anything else.  I am THANKFUL to have so many cute clothes to put on my baby. 

We were given several larger items as well such as a car seat, a stroller, a beautiful crib, a bouncy seat, a swing, a pack n play, a stairs gate, even a grocery cart seat cover!  I am sure I am forgetting something in this list but seriously, we have been given a lot.  I am THANKFUL for all of these awesome items that we have been given.

It seems that if we just "hold out long enough" someone will eventually offer us whatever we need.  That happened again today.  I've been debating and debating on whether or not to get a bassinet.  I had never mentioned my debate to anyone but I got an email this afternoon saying someone knew someone who was giving theirs away and wondered if I might want it... I am so THANKFUL for generous people!

Oh and Mr. Obama gave me something too...a free electric breast pump.  Thank you!

May your week be filled with Thanksgiving!

39 weeks

Random Pregnancy Comments

Did people ever make comments during your pregnancy (or your significant others' pregnancy) that just made you want to say "Whaaa? Were you using your head when you asked/said that?"  I haven't had any truly horrible ones but I thought it would be fun to blog about to hear what things have been said to you.  Here are just a few that have been said to me.

*Store clerk as I am leaving (they always have something to say don't they?) "You know, basketballs really aren't that expensive, you don't have to try to smuggle one out."

*"So, are you getting closer?" I literally responded, "No, actually I am going backwards."

*A teenager, "How much longer do you have?  No offense, but you look REALLY pregnant."  (I still had two months)

*Another store clerk, "That would be so cool if you were out shopping on Black Friday and you were in a really long line at Kohl's and your water broke so then you could say, hey my water just broke! and get to the front of the line."

*This one just gets annoying because I get asked so frequently, "Are you excited?"  Um, what do they expect me to say, "uh, no not really, this could be the worst thing ever."  ...

*And this one just gets old because I really don't know how to respond, "Oh you don't even look pregnant from the back!"  Maybe I am wrong about this but other than the waddle I didn't think you were supposed to look pregnant from your backside.  You may look like you've gained weight but can you actually look pregnant from the back?...

*This is Ken's favorite thing to say to me after he has had a big meal, "I feel like you look!"  I actually do find it amusing, even though he stole that line from a friend.

So, tell me your weirdest/funniest pregnancy comment.  Sally, I am sure someone in a Big Lots somewhere must have said something crazy to you so please share.  :)

p.s.  I've never had a total stranger touch my belly.  Did that ever happen to you?
p.p.s. 10 days and counting...

37 Weeks... and 2 bits!

Name that movie... "and 2 bits!"

If you guessed Oklahoma! you were right.  I do know that it was originally a play and not a movie but I was first introduced to it as a movie at Grandma Morgan's house so that is what I am going with.  ("And 2 bits" is a line from when Jud Fry and Curly are bidding on Laurie's basket at the school raising party.)  This picture was taken at 37 weeks and 2 bits (days).

I guess I haven't done a very good job of sharing my blog.  I created it in the first place on request from my dad and he only ever saw the first post until recently when he rediscovered it and found out that I had been posting throughout the pregnancy.  Then I just found out that my mom didn't even know that the blog existed at all until my dad found it again and told her.  Oh sad. 

At church on Sunday I was talking with a friend and she said, "So you have about 5 weeks left right?"  I said, "No, 2 1/2."  She replied, "I thought you told me it was after Thanksgiving?"  I said,"Yeah, the day after."  And she said, "Really?  Thanksgiving is that soon?!"  Yes folks, it is that soon.  And Baby Johnson will be here before we know it!  :) 

Babies are Expensive!

I was just about to post some pictures of my "nursery" when I realized that would give away the gender so I can't do that yet.  That means this is sort of a boring post.  Sorry.  The nursery is really not much to look at anyway considering I am not allowed to paint the room.  I did get the crib set up and I took Ken with me to Target to buy a mattress since he is the mattress expert in our family.  The baby bedding is being made by a talented friend of mine so that is not even in there yet.  I did manage to get a couple of decorations up on the walls.  I am not huge into decorating so I didn't know whether I would find anything that I liked but I did manage to get a little something something.  :) 

Babies are so expensive!  We have been fortunate enough to be given many baby items from generous friends and family members, but there is still so much to buy!  Well, there WAS so much to buy.  I think I just broke the bank online tonight though.  I finally got a diaper bag that I think I will actually like and  I ordered a hand made car seat cover to spruce up the car seat that we were given, which is in great condition, just not my favorite color.  I also bought a car seat rain cover since we do live in the Northwest and I would still like to go outside on walks, rain or shine.  Ok, that was really all that I bought tonight but it felt like a ton.  So many decisions to make!  Ken just laughs at me.

Well, no pictures today since they would all give away the gender, except the diaper bag... Ken asked me to get one that is gender neutral so if you are really interested to see the one that I bought you can click on this link. diaper bag 

The Picture

A picture to go with the previous post.  35 weeks!

35 Weeks, 35 Days, 35 Inches

I have been babysitting a family of 4 kids all week at their house.  This morning one of the middle-schoolers announced that there are 67 days left until Christmas.  I had to laugh a bit to myself because that is NOT the date that I am counting down to.  I did not have a running count down in my head though so I had to look it up.  35 days left until the due date.  And I am 35 weeks pregnant.  (Makes sense right, 5 weeks left, 7 days in a week, therefore 35 days.  Yeah, I am smart.)  But I thought it was pretty cool to think I am 35 weeks pregnant and there are 35 days left.  Plus, yesterday at my baby shower my belly was measured for a guessing game and what do you know... 35 inches around!... PSYCH.  I am actually 40 inches or 100 cm.

So this post would be a lot better if I had a picture or two to accompany it but unfortunately we forgot to take any pictures at the baby shower and I've already changed into my pajamas so I am not going to take a picture now.  Maybe tomorrow...

32 weeks and counting

I honestly don't really have a whole lot to say but I thought it was probably about time to post another picture.  The time is just flying by.  32 weeks already!  I have still been feeling pretty good and trying to take regular walks.  I play volleyball on Tuesday nights with ladies from church and many of them are shocked that I am still going.  I can't think of any reason not to go.  The baby is healthy as far as we know and I still feel better when I exercise than when I don't.  The thing that might stop me soon, if anything, is that I am definitely slowing down, which makes it harder to play competitively.  When I don't play well I get frustrated with myself.  I might get too annoyed with myself to keep going, but I am still hoping to play as long as possible.

32 weeks and counting...

I am fairly certain that I remember seeing a picture of one of my sisters wearing this dress while she was pregnant when I was on my mission.  Thank goodness for hand-me-downs!

Like I said, nothing really exciting to share.  If anyone has some good tips for dealing with pregnancy indigestion I'd love to hear it.  That is one of the few things that has been bothering me lately.  Otherwise I can really say, all is well.  I am still ok with being pregnant.  I still don't love it, but I am not dying to be done yet.  I am certain that time will come.

Babymoon

A random picture that I took at 27 weeks and forgot to post.  I am now 29 weeks.

There are a couple of variations that you can find online about the origin of the tradition of "honeymoon."  One suggests that it is a derivative from a nordic practice of the groom kidnapping his bride-to-be from a neighboring town and then going into hiding until the parents of the bride give up the search.  Another, and probably more likely, says that the elite of India used to go on a month tour after the wedding to visit friends and relatives who could not otherwise attend the celebration.  It was adapted by the British as a tradition for the couple to just go on a vacation after the wedding.  Whatever the origin, that tradition has been around for quite some time and is now the first trip for the couple to celebrate their marriage.  A relatively recent tradition is for the couple to take one last trip to celebrate before the arrival of a baby.  This is known as a "babymoon."  I am pretty sure the origin of this tradition is the travel and tourism industry just trying to think up one more way to get people to travel.  I fell for it.

Ken and I decided to celebrate our babymoon with just a weekend get away to a bed and breakfast in Hood River.  Although we didn't "do" much while we were there we had an absolutely lovely time just walking around the historic downtown, sitting on a park bench and people watching, visiting the Hood River and the Columbia River, and eating food.  I did sudoku a lot and he thought about business ideas.  It was so nice just to be away from home and do something different for a couple of days.  I didn't take a ton of pictures so here are just a couple of them, especially ones of my baby bump.

At a park on the Hood River.

 Overlooking the Columbia River.

At a panoramic viewpoint overlooking the Hood River valley.  We had just gone to visit several local orchards and we picked 12 lbs of peaches.  Yum.  I am so excited for peach smoothies.

So you know, Ken was there too.  Mt. Hood in the background.

One more, just because it was so beautiful.

I have to mention real quick that we took a 35 mile drive on a loop through the area with orchards.  Although it was beautiful, since we both grew up near orchards and picking pears in an orchard it wasn't as astounding as it otherwise might have been for someone else.  Still though, we definitely enjoyed the trip.

Black Friday

It dawned on me awhile back that my due date, November 23rd, is the day after Thanksgiving, which is also Black Friday.  I think I have braved the crowds and gone shopping on Black Friday every year since I was a young teenager except the couple of Thanksgivings that I spent in Spain and Argentina.  I suppose that more likely than not I will either have a brand new baby by that time or I will be so big that either way I probably won't have much of a desire to go out.  (This is assuming that the baby doesn't fall into the 4-5% of babies actually born on their due date, in which case I would obviously be in the hospital on Black Friday.) 

Without me even expressing my doubts about whether I would be going shopping on Black Friday this year, when Ken realized that was my due date his first question was, "Then who will go buy socks for me this year?"  In case you don't live, or have never lived in the west, there is a store called Fred Meyer that always has a 1/2 off sock sale the morning of Black Friday.  Since we have been married I've always gone to get socks for Ken on that day.  I guess he is pretty worried about his growing number of socks with holes in the toes... but not worried enough to be willing to go himself. 

Sorry mom but I did volunteer you as a possible alternate to go in my place.  :)

When this subject of my due date being on Black Friday came up again recently I learned something new.  I had always assumed it was called Black Friday because it was an ominous day of craziness, like dark clouds bringing in a storm.  Ken informed me that the nickname has quite the opposite meaning.  Retailers who have been in the red (in debt) all year are finally in the black (making profit) as of the day after Thanksgiving and through the rest of the holiday season.  Hmmm.  Learn something new everyday!

Here I am at 2 dozen weeks pregnant.  (That's 24 weeks just in case you weren't sure on the math.)  Sorry, phone camera...

Seriously?! $1.00?

This year was the first time I ever went to the post office at the very last minute to turn in my taxes.  We went through a lot of financial changes so it was pretty intense for me to try to figure out all of the paperwork this year.  We definitely had to pay taxes and we were not expecting a return.  But evidently we overpaid and they so kindly sent us a check back for the extra amount.  $1.00.  That is ONE dollar.  Not one hundred dollars.  Just one dollar.  Uno.  Wow!  Maybe if we were living a hundred years ago I would have cared about getting a dollar back but what can I do with a dollar now?  I can't even buy a gallon of gas or a pack of gum (at most stores.)  I think they should have done the post office a favor and not sent the check at all considering that was probably just one more piece of mail that the USPS had to deliver but didn't get paid for.  No wonder they are in so much debt! 

I think I could go on and on with snide remarks about the IRS sending us back a check for one dollar, but I don't think I will.  The truth is, this is actually the second time we've received a check from the government for $1.  I don't remember what happened to the first one but this time Ken and I have decided not to cash the check.  Maybe we will frame it someday. Have you ever had a ridiculous encounter with a government agency?

Ants in Your Pants or...?

I was recently telling a male (will keep his name anonymous but no it wasn't Ken) that I could feel the baby moving a lot.  He said he couldn't relate and asked if it was like having ants in your pants?  I said no, it's more like having nasty gas that you actually feel moving through your system, only it never comes out and it doesn't stink.  He responded, now that I can relate to!

It's fun feeling the baby move.  Even though baby is very active in the evenings, fortunately it doesn't keep me awake, yet.

Shhhh. Don't tell!

Just a reminder... if you know the gender of our baby, PLEASE DO NOT MENTION IT ON THIS BLOG!  My dad REALLY likes to be surprised!  Thanks!

I Feel Pretty

21 Weeks

I don't have much to complain about as far as a pregnancy goes.  I have had virtually zero morning sickness, no food aversions, and no crazy food cravings.  I feel like my emotions are pretty stable (but you should double-check on that one with Ken) and I don't think I am mean (which some people told me I would be.)  I do sleep 9 hours at night and take a 1-2 hour nap most days, but I like sleeping so it's only rarely an inconvenience for me (like today when the dinner was 45 minutes late for the sister missionaries because I HAD to take a nap.)  Yet, despite the seemingly easy pregnancy, I have to admit that I am really not in love with being pregnant.  Most days I just feel fat.  (Yes, I know that to most people I still look thin but to me I feel bigger than normal, therefore, I feel fat.)  Today was the first day in a long time that I looked in the mirror and thought, "I look pretty today" so I decided it was probably a good day to finally start taking pictures of my baby bump and start this blog that my dad requested several months ago. (P.S. Sally, if you are reading this, no, I didn't not feel ugly because of the haircut.  I do like it and I've received more compliments about it than any other haircut in my life.)

17 or 18 weeks with Tomas after a Civil War reenactment

 So, just a quick funny story to get things rolling.  Last weekend Ken and I were at a Johnson-Baird family reunion.  (It was just Rob and Laurie and their kids, but that was still 17 adults and 10 kids!)  After lunch one day Ken and I were sitting away from the group and our 3-year old nephew, Nathaniel, came over and asked Ken if he could sit on his lap.  After they poked each others bellies and said they were fat for a few minutes the following conversation ensued.

Ken: "Did you know that Aunt Krista has a baby in her belly?"

Nathaniel: "No she doesn't"

Ken: "Yes she really does."

Me: "Yes I do.  See, it's only a little bit squishy" (poking my belly in reference to them poking their "fat")

Nathaniel: "Well how did it get in there?"

A very short birds and the bees convo followed, which I will spare you, but Ken did a nice job comparing a seed that makes a tree to a seed that makes a baby.

Nathaniel (looking at me): "Are there two babies in there?

Me: "No, just one."

Nathaniel: "Then how come there are two bumps above the hill?"

Aaaah.  Innocence.  (And yes, I told him the truth about what those are used for.)

So no guarantees on the frequency of updating this blog.  I do really enjoy reading other people's blogs so I will try to return the favor.  Unfortunately, I don't use my camera much and the battery charger has mysteriously disappeared.  I may have to resort to camera phone pictures.

p.s. One other funny kid story. I was babysitting a 6 and a 10-year old for a few days this week.  I had this conversation with the 6-year old, Marc.

Me: Marc, did you know that I am going to have a baby?

Marc: No you aren't.

Me: Yes I am.  See.  Look at my belly.  There is a baby in there.

Marc: No there isn't!  You just eat too much food.

He totally called me out!  (Later he retracted his statements and said he was just kidding.  I don't think he was.)

p.p.s. Since creating the title for this post I now have the song "I Feel Pretty" from Westside Story stuck in my head.  I bet you will too now.